criminal mischief

Newlyweds jailed after brawl at Pittsburgh-area hotel

A newlywed couple spent the night in separate jail cells -- she in her wedding gown -- after police said they brawled with each other, then members of another wedding party, at a suburban Pittsburgh hotel . . .

Police arrived to find the dentist lying on the lobby floor and his bride, seemingly highly intoxicated, screaming.

of course

Roger Waters plays `Dark Side,' unleashes giant pig

hede of the day, british edition

Drunk Darth Vader's Jedi assault

penis headline of the week, take two

Florida moves to ban fake testicles on vehicles

cross-marketing

cnn is now selling t-shirts featuring its most inane headlines. hopefully the venture will inspire more great stories like this.

alleged lede of the day

Penis theft panic hits city...

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

tpmsnackerman

spencer made a surprise appearance at tpm today bearing pepperidge farm cookies. normally the only thing i love more than former coworkers is free food, but for some vaguely godly reason i'm keeping passover so instead i just feel bitter and hungry. i didn't even know black and white milanos existed.

best show ever?

i've tried really hard to like gossip girl. i should like gossip girl -- i'm too self-conscious to read trashy teen novels on the train, but a fourteen-year-old girl caught me reading something called "Bratfest at Tiffany's" over her shoulder on a plane last month. a show i can privately and lazily watch from my couch.

so it's disappointing to me that the show is so bad. it's not that its trashy. it's not trashy enough, and not smart enough either. there are too many old people and too many lectures on class consciousness from a 17-year-old who lives in a loft in williamsburg. i got more dirt about upper east side private school kids from taking driver's ed at dalton. sure, i'll watch it if it's on, but i'll watch pretty much anything but keeping up with the kardashians. so new york magazine must be less discerning than i thought, or they're lying to attract more CW ads.

the young and the restless (cougars)

Young, Restless Cougars Roaming Eastward
CHICAGO, April 16 -- "Go east, young cougar!"

pirates!

in somalia, and now in a map.

recommended

soul fixins, for surprisingly delicious soul food in the flower district. taking their cue from greenspan and mccain, they now have a recession special. who says economic downturns are all bad?

sexual non-sequiter lede of the day

If there were any doubt before, Barack Obama wants to serve two terms as president. And, please, don't mind that buzzing on his hip, he only has good intentions.

sheldon silver screws me over again

not good

audacious

Mich. thief slithers away with snake

LANSING, Mich. - A woman stole a boa constrictor from a pet store by slipping the snake down her pants, the owner said. The animal was stolen Thursday afternoon from Preuss Animal House in Lansing.

"I am far less concerned for the person than for the snake," owner Rick Preuss said. The 20-inch snake was worth $174.

Jayzun Boget, assistant manager of Preuss' reptile department, called the heist "audacious."

freezing to death doesn't sound humane

Kill-a-toad day? Australia area considers
Animal group OKs idea — as long as it's humane, like death by freezing

money crunch

a chipotle burrito is now $8.25 (with tax) in manhattan. usually when people complain about the cost of living in new york and say it's impossible to live on less than a million dollars a year i usually argue that it's their own problem. just because $5 coffee and $15 drinks exist doesn't mean you have to buy them, just like you don't have to live in manhattan or eat at fancy restaurants or hire luxury minivan taxis for your children. those aren't things that make it impossible to be "rich" in new york without a seven-figure salary. they're things only rich people should even think about. it's newcomers who think these kind of prices are routine that drive up costs for everyone else. but everyone deserves affordable burritos, and finding a reasonably priced lunch around my office is getting increasingly difficult . . .

headline of the day

'Vampire' hotel bomber from California dies after growing ill in Bolivian prison